Untouchable Face of yours
by dust-and-cobwebs
Summary: Not exactly you average love triangle, (ScottJeanWolverine). Err... You don't need psychic powers like Jean to climb into the heads of the characters in this story... something more like a RogueLoganBobby complication.
1. Home again, Alone again

Untouchable Face

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to X-Men, movies and comics alike… 

A/N: This may seem like a really messed up story, so I'm really sorry! The song is Untouchable Face, by Ani DiFranco.

By the way, the story is told through different people's points of view. The name of each person is put above their little fragment of the story told through their point of view.

Home Again, Alone Again

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Think I'm going for a walk now   
I feel a little unsteady   
I don't want nobody to follow me   
'cept maybe you   
I could make you happy you know   
if you weren't already   
I could do a lot of things   
and I do   
tell you the truth I prefer   
the worst of you   
too bad you had to have a better half   
she's not really my type   
but I think you two are forever   
and I hate to say it but   
you're perfect together   
so fuck you   
and your untouchable face   
and fuck you   
for existing in the first place   
and who am I   
that I should be vying for your touch   
and who am I   
I bet you can't even tell me that much

Marie 

'Great'_,_ I think to myself, 'I have a thing for older men'_._ I'm seventeen and free like a caged-bird. I wanted to run away, but I found _him._ I wanted to be a normal girl who'd go to the prom with a boyfriend, take him home and do only God knows what. I wanted to forget the way David looked at me while I sucked the life out of him, I wanted to forget why I never touched anyone, but _he _reminded me. He could have left me to die, but he didn't, he saved me, and now I'm here today as a reminder of how noble and brave he had been. If he had let me die, I wouldn't be here today with him slowly killing me from the inside out. If Bobby's my boyfriend, why can't I stay away from the _other man_?

If he calls me Marie, than it's Logan I call him, if he calls me Rogue, which he never does, Wolverine's what he's addressed as. He's the only mutant that ever called me that, the only one that ever bothered to ask my real name. He's the only one that has real control over me. I may have settled here for now, but I'm still running, running from _him _before I can't get away from him. I told myself that I would continue on with life as if nothing had ever happened ever since he left, but it's not working. It still haunts me, opening my eyes to see him motionless, bleeding silently, bleeding for me. And _him_, he's built a lair in my head, sometimes he comes out, and whispers 'Marie, I'll promise to take care of you', but he's not even here, he's gone. I'm hurtin' inside, left with his dog tag wrapped around my wrist, cutting through my skin, bleeding, but he's not here like he said he would. Liar. Bobby comes in and we try to kiss, but I only disappoint him. He walks out and tries not to cry, but he doesn't see me cry. 

Logan

Fuck that damn Chuck, sending me halfway across the country searching for some answers that don't even exist here. The wolves stare at me, and I stare back at them, watching as they run away from me. Great, those goddamn X-men women don't like me and neither do these wolves. Where the fuck, do I belong then if the animals, mutants and humans don't accept me? I've got to go somewhere, and I guess it's back to Chuck's then. Scott's going to be ecstatic about the condition of his bike, and Jean's going to be just overjoyed to see me—not. I turned and headed towards the bike.

_Two-thirty in the morning   
and my gas tank will be empty soon   
neon sign on the horizon   
rubbing elbows with the moon   
a safe haven of sleepless   
where the deep fryer's always on   
radio is counting down   
the top 20 country songs   
and out on the porch the fly strip is   
waving like a flag in the wind   
y'know, I don't look forward   
to seeing you again soon   
you'll look like a photograph of yourself   
taken from far far away   
and I won't know what to do   
and I won't know what to say   
except fuck you..._


	2. You Again

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. I have a fish named Pippin if you like suing people.

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You Again.

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Marie

I couldn't believe it. Logan had actually come home. Bobby wasn't happy, and tried to put Logan in his place while staring at me. I love Bobby, and had forgotten about Logan until he came back, but he wasn't the Logan who hugged me on the train, promising to take care of me, he was the Logan I had stared at in the bar, the caged animal. "Hey kid," he says. "Miss me?" he asks, looking into my eyes. Shit. He knows.  I hug him. "Ye-No, not really," I answer. He raises one eyebrow and stops acknowledging my presence. His eyes just wander around the room, searching until _she_ finally shows up. "I-I'll see you around!" I say, and he says "Okay," He lets his eyes travel up and down Jean, his mind totally in another world. Bobby tugs on my arm; he doesn't know how fast he's losing me. He doesn't know how fast I'm losing myself—Logan's back in my head.

Logan

Marie had Bobby to take care of her now, and her happiness was all that mattered. I still couldn't understand why I envied him. I envied him the same way I envied Scott. Fuck the untouchables. 

My nightmares are getting worse ever since I got back. Sleeping definitely isn't helping, so I decide to wander the hallways. A light is on in the kitchen where Bobby sits eating.

"Can't sleep?" Bobby asks. I answer in the positive. He cools a bottle of soda for me. I'm starting to like this kid. 

"So you and Rogue, huh?" I ask him, just to make sure even though he's already told me.

"Yeah. It's not what you think it is, although I wish it was," he says. I raise one eyebrow, signaling him to continue.

"It's just that it's hard to be closer to someone when you can't," I begin to think I can relate to this kid, but then he says, "I know the way you look at Dr. Grey,"

"Excuse me?" I ask him. I take that back, I'm starting to hate this kid.

"It's the same way you look at Rogue," he says. I growl at him but he only stares at me.

"I love _Marie_ as a sister," I answer gruffly. I can't believe I said that. Bobby says, "How many more women are you going to fuck before you figure out who you real-" He didn't even have to finish that sentence and I was on him, claws extended, just millimeters away from his throat. 

"Who I wish to bed with is my business, and kid, you have no idea what it's like not knowing who you really are," I finish the sentence and Bobby looks over my shoulder. Marie is standing in the doorway, her mouth open in shock. Shit. How long has she been standing there? She runs off and returns with Jean, One-eye, Storm, and Chuck. They're locking me in my room until I learn how to control my temper. I hear that Bobby won't let Marie near me anymore. He thinks I'm dangerous. That doesn't come to me as a surprise.


	3. Anger leads to Violence

Disclaimer: Don't own anything… 

A/N: part of Ani Difranco's song is used in this chapter (Untouchable Face). This chapter was written during one of those not so good days, so sorry if it's either not "happy" or "sad" enough. Thanks to the people who reviewed.

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Anger leads to Violence…

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_I see you and I'm so perplexed   
what was I thinking   
what will I think of next   
where can I hide   
in the back room there's a lamp   
that hangs over the pool table   
and when the fan is on it swings   
gently side to side   
there's a changing constellation   
of balls as we are playing   
I see Orion and say nothing   
the only thing I can think of saying   
is fuck you..._

Marie

Logan won't leave my head. I've got images of the things he's done with all the redheads he's picked up while out there all by himself. They're definitely not pretty, but he keeps on calling them Jean, and that's what makes them leave. I've got to talk to Logan before we both drive ourselves insane. I walk up to his room and unlock the door, and then I knock.

"You really didn't have to knock. I could hear and smell you from miles away. What do you want, Marie? Are you here to lecture me?" he asks. I forgot about his super hearing abilities. 

"I want to talk," I say.

He sighs and opens the door. 

"You've got me imprisoned in my room, you've got someone who loves you. What else do you want?" he asks. He closes the door behind me, and then he sits down at a chair by the window without even looking at me. 

"Sorry about last night," I say. 

"Apology accepted," he says. 

Silence. He still doesn't look at me. I walk a bit closer to him, and I can see him withdrawing in his chair. He doesn't want me any closer.

"Is that all you're going to say? 'Cuz if that's all, you can leave," he says coldly.

"Why are you acting like we don't know each other Logan?" I whisper.

"Because we don't, _Rogue_," he answers. His last word cuts me deeply, and I try to ignore it. I stand up and walk over to him, grab his face and force him to look at me, and then I let go. He snarls, but doesn't let his claws come out. I get real close, close enough that I could just touch him and kill him. 

"Oh really, Wolverine? Then why don't you stop screwing around with my mind?" I ask.

"What are you talking about?" I fish out his dog tag that I've been wearing around my neck ever since he left, and rip it out. I toss it at him, and run out crying, he'll never know what he's being doing to me, he'll never understand. 

"Marie! Wait!" He tries to run after me, but Jean stands in the doorway.

Logan

Marie just runs away from me, and now Jean replaces her spot in the room. She tells me to stay away from Rogue. I tell her that Marie came to see me, and I let her in. Jean doesn't care. Nobody's around and I'm sure about that. I stand up, walk over to Jean and kiss her. She kisses me back with more passion then I'd expect from her, Scott's loyal companion. Then she stops and pushes me away.

"Jean," I say. "Stop it. If you really want me, then I'm all yours. If you don't, then get out," She looks at me strangely, and then walks out. 

"Jesus,"

Her place is replaced by One-Eye. Great. Just what I need: One-Eye bitching at me.

Jean

So Logan knows. I run into Scott while walking in the hallway, he asks me what's wrong. I tell him nothing. There are some things I don't tell Scott because I know he already knows. He doesn't need telekinetic powers to figure out what's wrong. Before I can stop him, he's stormed into Logan's room. All I can here is Scott's angry voices throughout my head, and each "Logan, stay away from my girl," is like another kick in the stomach while I try to take a breath. I can feel what Scott's doing to Logan, but strangely enough, Logan's not fighting back. His claws are retracted. He's lying on the floor now, trying to catch his breath with a hole through his hand- Burnt Raw Flesh. One thought runs through his head.

_"I will not hurt Scottie Boy even though he's hurting me. Jean will really hate me then,"_

Scott comes out of the room smiling at me smugly, like a bear cub looking at its mother after successfully catching a fish. It scares me so much I just run away from him, and leave him running after me, screaming my name.

So fuck you   
and your untouchable face   
and fuck you   
for existing in the first place   
and who am I   
that I should be vying for your touch   
and who am I   
I bet you can't even tell me that much


	4. Christmas

Disclaimer: Don't own anything…

A/N: This is probably the chapter that's the most out of place, but it was fun to write… =P

The songs used in this chapter are: Ice Cream by Sarah Mclachlan, Winter by Tori Amos, Bathwater and Don't Speak by No Doubt, the beginning of Miss World by Hole, and My Immortal by Evanescence. 

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Christmas

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Logan

It's been a while now since that happened, and Scott has become even more protective over his girl, if that's even possible. It's Saturday night and there's a raging party at Chuck's. It's Christmas Eve. I always thought of Christmas as a time of distraction, a distraction from reality. There's live music blaring from every room that has people in it.  Jubilee is jumping up and down on a mock-stage while playing the guitar, and a band sits in the background. The band consists of Colossus on the drums and Kitty on the bass. Jubilee is belting out the chorus now, 

_"Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater  
Love to think that you couldn't love another  
I'm on your list with all your other women  
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater  
You make me feel like I couldn't love another  
I can't help it...you're my kind of man!"_ She finishes the song and then she says: "Thanks everyone! That was Bathwater by No Doubt. Here's another No Doubt song, it's called Don't Speak," Then she does some kind of signal to the band, telling them to start after the opening she was going to play on her guitar. Some girl I used to know listened to music from this band all the time. 

_"__You and me we used to be together, every day together, always…………"_ The chorus eventually comes in_. "Don't speak. I know just what you're saying, so please stop explaining. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts…Don't speak. I know what you're thinking and I don't need your reasons… Don't tell me 'cause it hurts…" _I walk out. The music is great but it's starting to get a bit too personal. I walk by another room, and can't believe my eyes. I start laughing though. Scooter is with Jeannie, and he's singing Bye, Bye, Bye… I think he's drunk. He's extremely bad at singing, I hate the song, and I have an urge to go in there and sing some Bob Dylan or something, but then I remember how horrible I am at singing and decide against it because I don't want to embarrass myself in front of Jean. Jeannie gets up on the stage beside Scooter and rolls up her sleeves. She's doing some kind of hip-hop dance now to some music… I don't listen to hip-hop, and the way she's dancing is kind of a turn on so I keep on walking down the hallway. Storm is starting up some grunge-rock song. "I am the girl you know can't look you in the eye…" The song continues, but I get up and leave.  It's Christmas Eve and some people just can't get enough of their angst-filled lives.

I pass by another room and hear Chuck singing some kind of Christmas carol… I don't recognize the song though. 

I pass by a room down the hallway and the door is ajar. I can hear someone's beautiful voice singing while accompanied by the piano. I can smell Marie and Bobby together alone. I push the door open and see Marie sitting at the piano and singing a song to Bobby.

_"Your love is better than ice cream  
better than anything else that I've tried  
and your love is better than ice cream  
but everyone here knows how to cry  
and it's a long way down  
it's a long way down  
it's a long way down to the place  
where we started from  
Your love is better than chocolate  
better than anything else that I've tried  
oh love is better than chocolate  
everyone here knows how to fight  
it's a long way down  
it's a long way down  
it's a long way down to the place  
where we started from..."_

Marie looks up and she sees me, and begins another song. I've never heard anyone sing with such a beautiful voice. It's scary.

_"Snow can wait I forgot my mittens   
Wipe my nose got my new boots on   
I get a little warm when I think of winter   
I put my hand in my fathers glove   
I run off where the drift gets deeper   
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown   
I hear a voice " you must learn to stand up for your self   
cause I can't always be around"   
He says when you gonna make up our mind   
When you gonna love you as much as I do   
When you gonna make up your mind   
Cause things are gonna change so fast   
All the white horses are still in bed   
I tell you that I'll always want you near   
You say that thing change my dear   
Boys get discovered as winter melts   
Flowers competing for the sun   
Years go by and I'm still here waiting   
Withering where some snow man was   
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace   
But I only see me self skating around the truth   
Who I am but I know dad the ice is getting thin   
Hair is grey and the fires are burning   
So many dreams on the shelf   
You say I wanted you to be proud of me   
I always wanted that my self   
He says when you gonna make up your mind   
When you gonna love you as much as I do   
When you gonna make up your mind   
cause things are gonna change so fast   
All the white horses have gone ahead   
I tell you that I'll always want you near   
You say that things change dear…"_ She looks at me again. 

"Great voice you have there, Marie. Sing a song for me now, will ya? Don't cha think he's had enough?" I say. I gesture toward Bobby.

"That _was_ your song," she says. I'm afraid she's going to tell me to get out, but she turns back to the piano instead. She begins another song, a sort of ballade.

_"I'm so tired of being here.  
Suppressed by all my childhood fears.  
And if you have to leave,  
I wish that you would just leave.  
Cause your presence still lingers here,  
and it won't leave me alone.  
These wounds won't seem to heal,  
this pain is just too real,  
there's just too much that time cannot erase.  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.  
I held your hand through all of these years.  
But you still have...  
All of me.  
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind,  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.  
These wounds won't seem to heal,  
this pain is just too real,  
there's just too much that time cannot erase.  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.  
I held your hand through all of these years.  
But you still have...  
All of me.  
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.  
But though you're still with me,  
I've been alone all along.  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.  
I held your hand through all of these years.  
But you still have...  
All of me…" _The music fades out, and it brings me back to reality, but while the music was on it seemed like I was transported to another world. Strange.

"Hey kid, nice song. You have some hidden talent, but I don't cry," I say.

"Of course you don't, but you run, you get frightened, then you hit and run. _You're_ afraid of getting hurt, but you don't think twice about whether or not other people are getting hurt. Will you ever seek beyond your precious selfish refuge to wonder about the feelings of others?" The clock strikes midnight.

"Merry Christmas, Logan. Merry Christmas, Bobby," she says, and gives Bobby a very quick kiss before standing up. They both walk out to join the huge crowd forming outside the room that Jubilee is in. She's singing Sex Type Thing. How bold. People are screaming something along the lines of, "Oy to the World!" I make my way to the kitchen, hoping to find some form of beer… I open the fridge and sniff around. I can smell beer somewhere in this room.

"There's beer under the table," someone says. It's Marie. Whoa. She got here fast. She's eating chocolate ice cream, the one cure for a broken heart or a shitty day. If you asked me what happened from that moment until the moment we both left the room, I can tell you that I took a sip of my beer, and she ate a scoop of some ice cream, and then that happened over and over again while in between each sequence we had a little chat about some stuff. It went something like this.

"Marie," Drink beer.

"Logan," Eat ice cream.

"How have you been lately?" Drink beer.

"Alive," Eat ice cream.

"How have you been while I was away?" Drink beer.

"Adapting," Eat ice cream.

"How are things with you and Bobby?" Drink beer.

"Working," Eat ice cream.

"What's wrong?" Drink beer.

"Nothing," Eat ice cream.

"You sure?" Drink Beer.

"Yep," Eat ice cream.

"Can you please quit it with the monosyllables," Drink Beer.

"If you want me to," Eat ice cream. 

"Look kid, I said I was sorry for leaving," Drink Beer.

"I never said I was upset about that," Eat ice cream.

"So you were upset now, is that what all this ice cream is for?" Drink Beer.

"I never said that. Weren't you listening to me, or is this one of those one-way Logan conversations that you are so good at?" Eat ice cream. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Drink beer.

"Ask yourself," Eat ice cream.

"Why are you upset?" Drink beer.

"Does a certain redhead or just redheads in general ring a bell?" Eat ice cream.

"Ah shit kid. How much do you know?" Drink beer.

"Enough to want to kill you," Eat ice cream.

"Alright then, go ahead," Drink beer.

"Don't want to touch you. Makes me feel like all those redheads have been all over you, and you only welcome them because they take your mind away from Jean. Why don't you just take your chances with Jean and stop playing around with everyone else's hearts?" Eat ice cream.

"Shut the fuck up," Drink beer.

"Gladly," Eat ice cream. An awkward silence follows.

"So… why aren't you out there celebrating with all the other kids?" Drink beer.

"I'm too old to be considered a kid, but too young to be considered a woman. I hate been a teenager. No one will take my feelings as real or authentic. They think it's all a joke," Eat ice cream. "You'd probably think so too, and you'd do a real good job at proving it,"

"Hey, I never said that," _Chug_ beer. I sidle closer to her, hoping to be able to put my arm around her. She allows me to do so, but shifts over to the side a bit so that nothing else besides my arm and her shoulder are touching. I also take this opportunity to try to touch her face again. It's been over a year since I've done so, and I miss it. No one's ever touched me or been touched by me in a very long time. We've through with this "get to know you on a mental level" shit, and I wonder if we've graduated to the "get to know you on a physical level" yet.****

"Don't touch me, I'm not your precious 'Jeannie-baby' and I never said you could," Apparently not. Jean would have let me touch her. Eat ice cream.

"Sorry," Drink beer.

"I never said you could save me on the Statue of Liberty. Maybe I didn't want to be saved," Eat ice cream. 

"Do you have a problem with me being around?" Drink beer.

"I have a problem with you not being around," Eat ice cream. 

"Huh…" Drink beer.

"Look, Logan. You're great and all, and I know how much jealously you are capable of nurturing within you, but you have to understand that no one can ever count on you to be there for them when they need you the most. Sure, most girls like spontaneous guys, but you're a bit too extreme," Eat ice cream. Enter flustered looking Bobby. Conversation has run dry.

"Hey Rogue! I was looking all over for you," Marie stops eating ice cream. Bobby eyes me evilly.

"Hey Bobby!" Marie smiles. 

"Jubes is' singing I _don't wanna miss a thing _and everyone's slow-dancing. Wanna come dance?"

"Sure, that used to be my favourite song, made me cry all the time," Marie walks out of the room, hand in glove with Bobby. She doesn't even glance at me as she strolls out of the room in that black shirt, a skirt swishing around over a pair of jeans, scarf and punk jewelry of hers, no doubt an addition to her wardrobe while I was away. I follow them onto the dance floor in another room. I sit in the corner for a while, contemplating on whether or not I should stay or just leave. Storm walks over and asks me to dance, she's obviously drunk. I say yes anyway. It's been a long time since any woman has volunteered to be that close to me.


	5. Blood Bath

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

A/N: Scott, Storm, Rogue, and Jean and the effects of serum (I think that's the name of the thing that Stryker used on Yuriko… and Magneto) Sorry if this chapter doesn't work out logically…

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Blood Bath

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Yuriko

Logan leaves behind tracks that are so easy to follow. Wherever there are pretty women or some fights to be fought, Logan's there. Stryker's been a pretty cool companion, and he helped me find Charles Xavier's "school" for the gifted youngsters. I can feel my blood boil as soon as I think about Logan. He won't live to see tomorrow. Okay. Maybe the day after…

Marie

I can't believe it. I'm finally old enough to be considered a real person, not that being a teenager meant that you were half a person or anything, it's just that being a teenager meant that you couldn't drink, couldn't smoke, couldn't get married, well… You couldn't do a lot of things. I've turned many heads my way since I've become of age, but Logan still treats me like I'm a kid. Ever since our little "chat" a few years back on Christmas, he hasn't left the mansion yet, but he still flirts with Jean as if Scott's not there, which is perfectly legitimate, since they're not married yet.

I went to bed feeling extremely giddy, but suddenly at midnight, someone whacked me in the face and shoved a cloth with chloroform in my face and I passed out. I woke up feeling somewhat… contained… and not be able to do what I wanted to do. Scott, Jean, and Storm were in the same room as me, but we couldn't talk to each other.

Logan

I can't remember exactly what happened, but I remember seeing a flash of claws and feeling a million bullets pierce through my skin and then darkness took me. Someone plunging his or her claws through my chest rudely wakes me up, but wait. Aren't I the only one with claws? 

"Wake up, you bastard," a girl shrieks into my ear. I open my eyes and see the female version of me, claws extended, her light blue eyes shining like daggers. Stryker walks into the room.

"Oh, hello Wolverine. I'd like you to meet Yuriko, a.k.a. Lady Deathstrike, and my personal assistant. I see you two have met before, haven't you?" Stryker smiles as I try to struggle against my bonds.

"Made out of adamantium, indestructible once cooled, but I'm sure you already know that. So is everything else that's in this room," Stryker laughs. "Imagine, the indestructible Wolverine, trapped by the metal that makes him indestructible,"

"Where are the Professor and everyone else?" I growl.

"Oh, they'll be paying you a visit sooner or later," Stryker laughs and walks out, locking the door behind him.

"This is one lover's quarrel I don't want to get involved in," he says. Yuriko comes up to me and slaps me. 

"Oh hey… err… Yuriko. How have you been? We don't talk much anymore, must be the weather," I say.

"You killed my father," she says. Everything is starting to piece together now.

"He cut me open. He took my life," I say, growling with her. What did I ever see in her?

"You make it sound as if he stole something from you. Without your adamantium skeleton and claws you'd be nothing," she says.

"Where'd you get your claws from, or did you inherit the healing gene from me somehow?" I ask. 

"You're not God you know. I got these claws for revenge, so we could call it a square fight when I killed you to avenge my father. My father's friend cut my hands open, I didn't complain," she says, smiling at me.

"You arranged this all didn't you? The night of my kidnapping, where were you? You said you'd be gone for an hour and you never came back," I say, genuinely pissed off.

"You're so cute when you're mad. It's been 15 years Wolverine, it surprises me you still remember this. You never remembered me when I was around; you were always somewhere out there. Bastard," Her claws pop out and she stabs me a million times through the chest, and I'm completely helpless. Only my hands are stuck, but my legs feel like two big slabs of lead. 

"I hope you die," she says, whispering in my ear.

After she's named every sin I've committed to her, she stares at my chest, satisfied with the amount of blood she's drawn and how I'm wheezing instead of breathing. She walks out. Jesus, women these days. The door opens, and I can't believe it. Storm walks in. She laughs at me evilly and conjures up a lightening bolt, and aims it at me. She really knows where to hit so it hurts. I've got a metal skeleton, woman! She walks up to me, and whispers something else into my ear.

"This is for screwing with Jean's heart, you heartless bastard," After she thinks I'm completely toasted, she walks out. Scooter walks in next, and blasts me with his wonderful shades. Definitely painful and reminds me of the time he burnt a hole through my hand. He screams, "I told you to stay away from my girl the first time I met you, and you didn't," Then he storms out. Jean comes in next, and her eyes turn red. She's playing with my mind, the one place that my healing factor doesn't heal fast enough. She brings up all the terrible memories of my past that I thought I had been forced to forget.  This pain is definitely a new kind of pain. Pain of mind is worse than pain of body. 

"You're not such a tough bastard after all are you?"

She laughs evilly, just like Storm, and walks out. Now I feel completely broken and defeated, and I don't care if I die anymore. Nobody needs me, nobody loves me, and nobody cares anymore if I live. They want me dead.

The door slides open, and my heart drops a million miles per hour. It's Marie. She says, "You never got any of my hints, did you?"

She walks right up to me, and places a hand on my cheek, age lines appear on our faces and pain shoots out from the center of my body and finally I pass out. That's all I remember. I think.

Yuriko

I had to get rid of these stupid X-Men once and for all. They were starting to get really annoying, especially that redhead. Luckily Stryker is a military scientist. He came up with one of the most interesting potions yet of late. It's kind of like a mind controlling potion, only it urges one to kill. I knew it would work on Wolverine; after all he's more animal than human. I don't know what I ever saw in him. I go back into Wolverine's custom-made torture cell and find him unconscious with the girl still hanging on to him. Interesting. I tell her that she can leave, and she lets go. I have to get this potion into Wolverine quickly before he wakes up and figures out what I'm doing to him. He will never know what hit him, and the cool thing is that it's permanent unless he takes the potion that shuts these feelings of killing off, or that's what Stryker said…


	6. Jacuzzi of Blood

Disclaimer: Don't own X-Men or anything of the like……………………  
A/N: The song used in this chapter is the first half of _If I Fall_ by Tara McLean.

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Jacuzzi of Blood

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Logan

I open my eyes and look around me. I'm still in the adamantium prison cell, but I'm not shackled to the wall. The thought suddenly hits me, and I realize that I can just walk out and leave. Suddenly the "Logan is thinking" part of my brain shuts off and I can't think straight. I have this lust for blood, for killing, for ripping someone's heart out, like an animal. I'm not human anymore. 

This strange lady with black hair tied back in a neat ponytail comes into the room. 

"Hello," she says. Strange. I don't want to eat her or rip her apart… It's like she's not human, and my mind is clear for a few seconds while I talk to her. I can remember some things about myself at the moment.

"Err… hi," I say awkwardly.

"I came to say goodbye," she announces. 

"What have you done to me?" I ask.

"I only gave you a nudge out of the door. The actions that follow this conversation could just be pent up anger that needs to escape somewhere," she replies.

"Who am I?" I ask.

"Do you really want to know?" she challenges me.

"Do you think I asked you just for the hell of it?" I yelled. 

"Knowing you, definitely yes," she replies.

"Who am I?" I ask again. 

"Your name is James Howlett. Your mutation is extraordinary healing powers, heightened senses, and bone claws," she informs me.

"Who are you? Why do I call myself Logan?" I ask. I don't understand why I can't remember anything.

"I'm Yuriko Oyama, also known as Deathstrike. I used to be human but I'm not anymore. I don't know why you call yourself Logan. That's a really stupid name, but it definitely suits you," she says. "Goodbye Wolverine, have a nice life," She walks out of the room and suddenly everything we just talked about vanishes from my mind. 

I can smell blood just behind that door, and suddenly it opens. There's some woman with white hair and darkish skin. She looks around the room and her eyes lock on me. Her eyes begin to blur and she aims a bolt of lightning of me. She hasn't even moved yet, and I'm already on her, my claws at her throat. I slit her throat and beginning clawing at her until her uniform is in shreds. I have this sudden urge to bite her and well, drink her blood, but I smell fresh blood outside the door again. Some guy with a strange visor stands in the doorway, and he also aims a big red beam at me. I don't understand why these people try these things anyway. He's dead by the time I finish that thought, and once again I'm left with the urge to drink him dry, but I can also smell some more blood outside the door. Some woman with flaming red hair steps into the room. She's trying to pry into my mind, but unfortunately for her my mind is blank right now, except for the one thought on trying to get her to bleed. Maybe I can paint pretty pictures with her blood. I leap at her, and pin her to the ground. She's awfully pretty, but everyone dies in the end anyway. I growl at her, and she whispers, "Don't do this Logan. You know why I don't love you like the way I love Scott, don't take it personally," 

"Woman, I don't know you, or have any single clue about what you're talking about, but I like the red stuff that runs through your veins and arteries. Nice red hair…" Who the fuck is Logan? I slash at her neck and just breathe in the smell of blood. It smells so good. I stand up, look around and let out a howl. I've never felt so powerful in my life as I look at the three dead, bleeding bodies lying around me. The door opens again, and a girl looking about the age of 18 walks in. She doesn't try to attack me, she doesn't move. This is unusual. I prefer my victims to at least have some kind of attack so that I can have a valid reason to kill them. 

Marie

I hate Yuriko, and I hated how she tortured us all like this. She pushes me into the room where Logan is held captive and sheds a fake tear, "Goodbye, my dear," she says. "You've been quite helpful, but everyone has to die sometime. Today's your lucky day," I freeze in my tracks when I hear her last sentence. How am I going to die? Logan wouldn't kill me; I knew that for a fact. We're friends. I look around the room and see the dead bodies of Scott, Jean, and Storm, and I see Logan and blood dripping from his claws, and fire in his eyes. He eyes me strangely, like he's waiting for me to do something. 

"Logan," I say. "Logan, listen to me. Don't do this. I know there's still some part of you that still exists beneath all that poison that bitch put into you that's waiting to be found. C'mon Logan. Don't you recognize any of the people you just killed? They were your friends, people who were willing to help you out when you needed them. Logan…" I say.

"Stop calling me Logan. I don't know who or what the fuck you're talking about," he says. The bitterness in his voice brings tears to my eyes. Where was the Logan who held me on the train, promising to protect me? I tried to stay strong and tried to remember how to hate him.

"Logan, you said you'd take care of me, you said you'd protect me, but you knew all along that you needed to protect me from yourself. You never did, and here's your last chance before you kill me. Logan, don't you remember me?" I ask, and I can't hold back my tears anymore. I thought I hated him, I thought that I could show him that I was a woman and not some confused teenager, but all along I was just that confused, stupid little teenager who clung on to people who showed her some form of kindness. I look up and take a step forward.

_It seems so far to go  
It took so long to get here  
Now I'm saying things I swore I'd never say  
and I'm afraid again  
  
I thought I had it in me  
I used to be so sure  
There I was stronger than ever  
A__nd here I am blaming the hurt  
  
__And if I fall, I will find a way back to my hands  
I'm the only one who c__an help me find my feet again  
  
__Sweet little fighter  
Sweet little scar  
Sweet little fire  
in my heart_


	7. I can't think of a Title

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to X-Men………

A/N: this chapter is err… semi-weird…  

Logan

She takes a step forward, and I take that to be a challenge. I can feel berserker rage flowing through my veins. She blinks, and when she opens her eyes, I'm already on her, and I've pinned her to the ground, my claws shooting out and right next to her throat, but there's something different about her. She's not like the other people I just killed. Her eyes aren't filled with a feeling of pleading me to not do this, but they're filled with something else, acceptance, understanding that she was absolutely powerless. She's surrendering. 

"Do it, Logan. Kill me," she whispers. I hesitate, but some other overpowering force is pushing me forward, drawing my claws even nearer to her throat, readying to slice her throat open, but I'm fighting it, and I hesitate once more.

"Godamnit, Logan! Just fucking do it already Logan! Kill me! Get it over with. Satisfy your lust," she screams. I growl, it's like she's testing me, but then I hesitate again. The force in my mind pushes me forward again, but it's getting weaker. I close my eyes and battle with this force, and I open my eyes. Suddenly everything becomes clear. God help me, I'm a fucking murderer.

"Logan?" she asks. Shit. It's Marie. I almost killed her. The innocent look in her eyes is enough to push me over the edge that I've been standing on for the past I don't know… 

"I am so sorry. I didn't even know what I was doing… and kid… don't call me Logan anymore. I just found out who I am, I'm James Howlett, so I guess you've been acquainted to someone else all along…" I say. Then I look around me. "Are they" I choke. "Are they all dead?" 

"Yeah," she says. She hugs me, but doesn't say anything. I hold onto her like I'm holding onto my dear life. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose her, like I've lost everyone else. I'm afraid she's going to disappear. I look around and suddenly I see Jean. Her mouth is open in shock, and so are her eyes. I walk over to her and brush my hand over her eyes, attempting to close them. Rest in peace. 

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" I ask.  

"No, but you were close," she says.

"I'm so sorry, I hope you can forgive me," I say.

"It's alright, besides, that wasn't you anyway, it was someone controlling your mind," she says. I sniff about to see if she is afraid, but I don't smell any fear. I smell blood that is slowly trickling down her neck. She was lying. Suddenly the urge to kill is slipping back into my mind. I know that it's too strong this time, and that I won't be able to fight it like I did last time. If she leaves, she'll leave me clawing at myself and wanting myself to bleed, but I won't ever die. I'll spend eternity trapped in this room knowing that eventually I'll heal and then I'll claw at myself again. It's a never-ending cycle.

"Marie," I say, I have to get used to saying her name again.

"Logan-err, James, we've got to get out of here," she says. "Yuriko could come back anytime," 

"Marie, listen to me," I say. My mind is completely screwed up now, and I can feel my claws beginning to pop out, but I'm fighting them. I'm fighting the urge to kill, but I know my efforts will be futile.

"James, do you know the way out of here?" she asks, completely ignoring me.

"Marie!" I say, and growl at her. She immediately falls silent. 

"You know what it is I'm going to ask of you, can you do it?" I ask, trying not to look at her.

"Lo-James," she stammers. "I don't get it," Then she looks at my hands, and sees the claws that are coming out, and she looks at the fire that is slowly beginning to form in my eyes. I bring my hand up to my throat and force the claws to come out halfway.

Marie

Oh, my God. No. I can't believe he's asking me to do this. I always thought he was kind of messed in the head, but I never expected this. I don't understand why I can't do this. Whenever he's not around I want to kill him, but whenever he's around I can't touch him.

"Marie, you know what to do. Call me Logan, it takes less time for you to say," he says. I back away from him, but he grabs my gloved hand.

"Logan, I can't do this, not you… You're too sacred. Please, don't make me do this," I say. Right now I wish I was a child, and that my mom would be making decisions for me, I didn't want to think about anything right now.

Logan

"Look Marie, if you let me live, I'll be living a damned life. I've just killed all your friends, and if you let me live, you'll die. Do you understand? I'm doing this fo-for you.  Can you do this… for me?" I ask. Am I really doing this for her?

"Logan. I don't want to hurt you," she says. That's all she can say, and she looks down.

"Marie. Do you love me?" I ask. She looks up at me, her eyes filled with tears again. What is it with women and crying anyway? It tears me apart to see them cry because I can't do anything to help them. She moves closer to me and starts to pull off her gloves.

Tbc…


	8. I sometimes want to die

Disclaimer: don't own anything related to X-Men……….  
A/N: *Thanks* to the people who reviewed… and *special thanks* to Lee Tea for being my beta-reader =) (even though Lee Tea only takes credit for beta-reading half my story… the beginning part is crappy because it wasn't beta-reader… I wouldn't be surprised if this half was crappy too.)

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I sometimes want to die.

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Marie 

"Logan, I'm sorry I have to do this. Damnit Logan! I'm going to be so lonely. I'll wake up each morning waiting for you to come home, but then I'll remember that you'll never come home again. I wish that none of this ever happened," I say. All the memories of us together for only awhile flood back into my mind. Our accidental meeting in Laughlin City, Logan kicking me out of his truck, Logan and I at the Professor's school, Logan stabbing me, Logan saving me, Logan leaving, Logan and his promises, Logan returning, Christmas with Logan…

Logan 

"Marie, dar-darlin'," That's the first endearment I've spat out in a long time. "I'll always be with you okay? You'll never be alone, as long as you have someone who loves you," I say. I slit my throat and she puts her hands on my face and closes her eyes.

"Kiss me," I say. She takes her hands off my face and gives me the kiss of death. I open my eyes and see her pretty face for the last time before everything fades to black. So this is what it's like to die: A moment of pain and then eternal peace.

Marie

He convulses and finally he stops. I open my eyes and move my face away from Logan's.  His eyes are closed, but there's a smile on his face. 

"Logan," I say. I shake him. "Logan, c'mon. Wake up, it's time to go home," he just keeps on smiling with his eyes closed. He's cold, and the cut at his neck is still open, it hasn't healed. 

"Logan!" I scream.

"Yes Marie?" I look around to find out where the voice is coming from. I look down at Logan's body, but he's still smiling with his eyes closed.

"Logan, where are you?" I ask.

"With you darlin'," he says. I suddenly see myself from his point of view. "How'd you do that?" I ask.

"My secret, darlin'," he says. "I'll never leave you now, c'mon let's go home," 

"How come you aren't getting up?" I ask.

"I'm dead… You just saw me die," he says. "My voice that you're hearing is just a memory. If you choose to remember me you'll always feel like I'm around, but if you choose to forget me, than well, I'll just disappear I guess. It's your choice. I thought you already knew that. Don't regret what you've just done, don't regret anything that's happened," he says. I take one last look at his body on the ground and walk out of the room. Everything is dark and there's only silence. It seems to me that Yuriko left Wolverine for the dead. 

  
  



	9. Epilogue, After Logan

Disclaimer: Don't own X-Men or anything of the like……………

A/N: The last chapter's title was from a song I was listening to… heh heh… oh, right, and the song used in this chapter is half of If I Fall by Tara McLean. (Thanks for Lee Tea for beta-reading this chapter for me… it's the last one… so you can all breath a sigh of relief that I'm not going to write anymore of this… um… very bad story? I think it's awful. I don't know… but then again it's only my opinion…)

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Epilogue – After Logan

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Marie

It's been years later, and I haven't forgotten Logan. I've learned how to cope with the fact that he's dead, and since I was the one that killed him, I absorbed everything of him. It's like he's living inside me, and no, he doesn't do his laundry very often. Sometimes his death plays in my mind over and over again like some kind of silent motion picture. He was a mutant, turned into a creature that was half-animal, and half-man by hate, but killed by love. Bobby was kind enough to drop me off at the cemetery that Logan was buried at. When I returned to the mansion after Logan died, Bobby had gone with me back to where Logan had died, and we retrieved his body and the bodies of Scott, Jean, and Storm for a proper funeral service and a proper burial. Bobby definitely hadn't been pleased, but he had done it for me. We got married a few years later, and I remember Logan congratulating me while I was walking down the aisle. He told me that he was happy because I was happy, and that I had never looked so beautiful. After Bobby and I kissed, I could hear Logan growling in my head, saying something along the lines of "Now if he hurts you, I'm going to come out of my grave and strangle him," I started laughing, and Bobby had asked me why. I never told him, this was my secret. Of course, Logan was never a cheerful person deep down inside, he was never on the surface either. He had dark secrets that he had kept from everyone, and now I keep them for him. I try my best to keep them locked away in the back of my mind; they're… disturbing… 

Our son is with me, and we visit four graves adjacent to each other. Muttering a little prayer for each poor soul, I bow my head down in respect to my four comrades, three of which were the starting members of the X-Men, but none of the visitors to the cemetery know that. We linger involuntarily at Jean's grave and I can hear a howl of agony in my head. Logan never got over the fact that he had killed Jean. I can feel tears on my cheeks, but these aren't my tears. I quickly move away before my son asks me anything, or before Logan causes me to lose my composure.  

Now we're standing in front of Logan's grave. 

"Who's grave is that?" my little boy asks. 

"Well…" I say. I don't know where to begin or end, but I can hear Bobby honking the horn outside the cemetery. It's loud enough to wake the dead. I take my son's hand and we walk out of the cemetery back to the car. 

"You're bleeding," Logan-in-my-head informs me. I look at my hand and realize I've forgotten to do something.

"One minute, okay?" I tell Bobby, who is sitting somewhat not as patiently as I would have liked in the front seat. I run back to Logan's grave, clear away all the weeds that have grown around the tombstone, and carefully place a single black rose at the base of the it. For one bittersweet moment, I can see him standing there, cigar in one hand, waving at me, and I have to resist the urge to go and jump into his arms...jump into the nothing that I seemed to have been left in. 

"HONK-HONK!" Bobby's horn knocks me out of my thoughts, while Logan-in-my-head complains about the loud noise. I rush against the cold wind back to the car. __

_James Howlett (Logan)_

_Born out of hate, killed by love._

_He shall never be forgotten._

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_It seems so easy now  
everything I dreamed about when I was a child  
It looks like a good thing's here  
and I think I'll stay for a while  
  
And if I fall, I will find a way back to my hands  
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again  
  
You came in screaming  
and I never stopped to listen to your one and only prayer  
A place for you somewhere  
  
Sweet little fighter  
Sweet little scar  
Sweet little fire  
in my heart_

_  
And if I fall, I will find a way back to my hands  
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again  
And if I fall, I will find a way back to my hands  
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again  
And if I fall, I will find a way back to my hands  
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again_

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The end…………


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